Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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