I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize