She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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