Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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