I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
