He had one of those small greek statue penises
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
