Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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