I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
