told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
