Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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