I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why didn't you poke me back
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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