She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
