I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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