Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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