why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
