Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
