It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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