If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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