Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
