I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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