I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
