Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
