My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
