then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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