I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
