Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
