I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
