We won't sleep together?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
