My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
