I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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