I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
