I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
