Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
