This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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