just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
