i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
