hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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