im holly from the hills drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
