he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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