before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
