I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
