Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
