She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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