just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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