I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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