literally had 100 drinks last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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