Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
