Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
