Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
