i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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