Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
