Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
