I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize