doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
