Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
