You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
