I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
