So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
