party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
