fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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