Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
