Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
