I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
