i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
