I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
