i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize